dharmalady | Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

Juliet Scott was married for five years. Three of them were good. She was young, Damien was too. They were in love and carefree; had fun and had a lot of sex, traveled to a lot of places. She'd been on track to start med school but when she met Damien, she wanted him instead, and she thought she'd always choose him over everything.

Until she got pregnant.

He stuck around for a few months but then, conveniently his job took him away and the stretches of time between being home and being gone were longer. He was never a bad dad to Mia, not once, but it was like a chore to be home, to be a husband and civilian again. Juliet missed him but she tried to talk to him about it and it was a fight, every time. He had a job, he had missions, he couldn't just give that up. So she decided a year and a half ago to not make him choose anymore. She sent him divorce papers, certified mail, with a letter explaining to him that she was tired of feeling like she and Mia weren't a priority. Like he didn't want to be there when he was back in the states. She wasn't surprised when she got the signed paperwork back with no note in response.

She and Mia have been solo ever since, the two of them moving to Miami to be closer to Juliet's sister. Med school finally happens, and now Juliet's an intern and Mia is five. It's been hard, harder than Juliet ever thought she'd have to do on her own, but she's doing it. She's never told Damien he can't be a part of Mia's life, she's never tried to keep him away from her. When she moves, she makes sure someone in his branch of the military, wherever he is, gets her address. She's not even angry at him anymore, just sad that it ended this way between them.

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Kissing the top of her head, he tries to explain better. "Baby, I have to go away again to save people." He knows she'll understand that part now.

Mia frowns at that, but still, she shakes her head. "No. You promised. No more going away."

"I know I promised. But I...I have to go, honey. I have to..." He takes a shaky breath. "I have to break my promise."

Mia pulls herself out of his arms so that she can actually look at him. "No, daddy. It's a promise," she protests. "You can't break it. You can't. You promised me and mommy no more going away. You can't go away."

He looks like he's already on the verge of tears as he insists. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I have to go. But I'm coming back, I promise."

And he realizes, of course, that now he's given her no reason to believe him.

"You break your promises!" she shouts and then runs out of her room, going to mommy to see if it's true. And when it is, she just starts sobbing, not even letting Juliet hold her, just curling up on her daddy's pillow and pressing her face into it. Every now and then, she chokes out that he promised, but she won't let anyone touch her while she cries. She's hurt and angry and she doesn't understand.

Damien is outright crying now, and he goes to their bedroom, standing in the doorway as his little girl just cries. Because of him. He did this. He's hurt his girls so many times, and he can't keep doing this.

He doesn't know what to say, but then he gets a text from Mike. Looking at it, he breathes out. "Five minutes."

Juliet gets up and goes to him, wrapping her arms around him tightly, trying to be as strong as she possibly can for him in this moment. "We'll be okay. It'll be okay," she whispers, trying to make herself believe it.

"I broke my promise," he whispers, tears shining in his eyes because his little girl is crying on the bed and he can't even fix it. He can't make it better.

Juliet closes her eyes tightly, holding onto his hands and squeezing them. "Not on purpose. One day she'll understand, Damien. She will."

She turns to Mia and tells her she needs to come give daddy hugs and kisses, but she refuses, sniffling and coughing as she continues to cry. Juliet looks up at Damien and kisses him, over and over again, trying to make him strong.

He keeps kissing Juliet until the taxi honks for him outside. Pressing his forehead to Juliet's, he breathes her in. "Take care of our little girl. I love you. I love you so much," he tells her, his voice breaking as he speaks. He doesn't want to push Mia, knowing she's upset right now, so he just grabs his bags and calls to her. "I love you, baby girl. I always will."

And then he turns to leave, making his way to the door.

Once Damien is pretty much at the front door, Mia realizes that he's really leaving, and she throws herself off the bed, screaming for him as she runs downstairs. "Daddy! No!" She's crying hysterically and she wraps herself tightly around him trying somehow, some way to make him stay. If she doesn't let go of him, then he can't leave, so her grip is strong and tight. "You don't have to go, you don't have to go away. Stay with me, Daddy," she begs.

Damien can barely catch his voice, he's crying with his baby, bending to hold onto her for a moment. He just holds her, kissing her. "Baby, I can't. I have to go," he says, though it takes a moment to even get the words out. And then he gently pulls himself away from her. "I love you, honey. I'll be home soon."

Juliet makes it outside and gently pries Mia away, even though it makes Mia cry harder. "Daddy I love you," she sobs because he was crying and if he was crying it means he's sad, too. She just doesn't know how to deal with her emotions the way adults do, and she collapses against Juliet as she just cries.

"Damien, I love you," Juliet says, a sob escaping her too, she can't help it.

"I love you," he calls out to both his girls, one last time before getting in the car. He's wiping at his eyes, choking back more tears and just trying to breathe through this.

Juliet has no idea when to expect a call from him, if she even can. She finds herself crying at night until she falls asleep. Mia is so withdrawn now, quiet and sad, but after about two weeks, she seems to be okay with a lot of support from Juliet and friends at school. But Juliet doesn't have that suppose, she doesn't have anyone, and she's floundering. She just needs to hear his voice and she hasn't, she doesn't even know if he's alive or dead and it's killing her.

The third week he's gone, on a hunch, Juliet takes a pregnancy test, and when it comes back positive she's happy and yet so damn upset at the same time, sinking to the floor in the bathroom and sobbing, rocking with her knees pressing to her chest. She wishes she had someone, anyone. But she has to pull herself together and pick up Mia from school, be happy for her sake.

He hasn't been able to get anywhere to even call his family and he hates that, knowing they have no idea if he's okay. When he can finally call, it's late in Miami, but he's hoping Juliet will answer.

Juliet's phone is right by her ear and she picks it up on the second ring, sitting up in bed. "Damien," she breathes out, knowing it could only be him.

"Jules," he breathes out, his voice cracking as he smiles. "Fuck...baby, I missed your voice."

"God, I thought..." She chokes back tears, so damn happy knowing he's alive, happy for the first time in weeks. "I miss you. So damn much. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," he assures her quickly. "Are you? Is Mia..." He knows she was so upset when he left, and his heart still breaks at how she was clinging to him.

"Mia's okay," Juliet promises. She misses you, and she talks about you every day. But we had a long talk and she understands. She knows you didn't want to leave her." She evades answering how she is for a moment. "Where are you? Can you tell me?"

He closes his eyes for a moment, just feeling so damn grateful when he hears that. "I'm far out here, Jules. Near Afghanistan somewhere." He takes a deep breath. "Baby, I miss you so much."

"I can't sleep without you," she whispers, then clears her throat. "I have to tell you something. Are you...can we really talk for a little bit?"

"Got a few minutes," he tells her. "Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

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